Have you felt rising tensions in our country?
Do you have a strong opinion, but don’t feel you can share it with anyone unless you know they already agree with you?
Do you want to feel more connected, but feel less connection and see less civility around you?
I felt the same way when I picked up Brene’ Brown’s book published last year ‘Braving the Wilderness’. This quick read helped me connect with people, be more open, and reinforced ideas I believed but couldn’t always practice. Just reviewing her book for this writing helped remind me of a few things.
To begin with – I love Brene’ Brown. I use her Ted talks on vulnerability and shame with a number of programs and recommend them to many people. I’ve read all of her books, and taken a couple of her online classes. For a few months her online classes were my Friday night entertainment.
When I picked up this book I was a little skeptical because with all of my exposure to her work I wasn’t sure if there would be anything new. This book ended up being a great bridge of her work, and the application to our current world as well as a deeper element that resonates.
Foundationally she begins with a quote from Maya Angelou that frustrates Brene’ early in her career and only makes sense later on. Angelou says, “You are only free when you realize you belong no place – you belong every place –– no place at all. The price is high. The reward is great.” Throughout the book she unpacks this quote and what it means to her.
Brene’ s initial piece on her first Ted talk is about how we are wired for connection so the idea of belonging seems aligned with that idea. This is why the book is a good next step in the journey. To see that you belong no place, but every place is one of those wonderful paradoxes that intrigues and draws you into the work. Then she takes that ‘not belonging’ and more or less says ‘now go do what you know is right to do, and here’s how’. There are four main recommendations that she reinforces with research, stories and ideas.
- People are hard to hate close up. Move in. This is all about the humanity we all share. We want to say that ‘they’ are the bad guys, they are horrible, and they are idiots’ but sweeping generalizations keep ‘them’ over there and us with our peeps. Separation is not going to solve our problems and being in a group that blasts the other one doesn’t leave us feeling satisfied. Ouch. When I read that I realized she was right. I could think back to some of those conversations and I didn’t feel better afterwards. I need to move in even when part of me fears what I will find. What are the biggest fears? Being judged and rejected.
- Speak Truth to Bullsh**. Be Civil. This is a tough one because there seems to be a lot of bull out there. Being civil is becoming a lost skill, but a necessary one and personal integrity is part of it, as is nonjudgement and generosity. For me this is about finding commonality with people.
- Hold Hands. With Strangers. Brene’ focuses on vulnerability here and she is the guru of this space. Her reinforcement is you can’t be courageous without vulnerability which is the doorway to joy, and who doesn’t want more joy in their life?
- Strong Back. Soft Front. Wild Heart. This was the one that resonated with me especially when I aligned it with the quote from Maya Angelou of belonging no place, yet every place. I read the book before going on vacation and made a point to connect with my fellow travelers by reaching out more than usual, inviting people to dinners or just seeking out conversations. I didn’t judge others, and wasn’t worried about them judging me. I went into conversations confident (strong back) and open (soft front). My wild heart I am continuing to develop because it requires me to be tough and tender, excited and scared, brave and afraid. Wait – maybe I’m doing well on that one after all because I identify with all of those emotions.
‘Braving the Wilderness’ is a great read. I would even recommend this one for the summer vacation due to its insights, stories and feeling of completion I had when I read the last page.
